id be glad to
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
