we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
