mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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