we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
