I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
