On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
