This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
