the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
