I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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