Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
