WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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