Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
