Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
