You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
