so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
