oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
