I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
