I'm really into asian looking animals
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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