just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
