I wish I could teleport
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
