I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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