so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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