And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
