I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
