Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize