That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
