turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I party with great urgency now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
