chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
