u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
