i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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