You really coming over, don't trick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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