Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
