In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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