I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
