dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then my night got REAL pukey
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
