life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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