Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
