Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize