Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So many bounce houses so little time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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