capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
