i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
