If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
