So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
