haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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