I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
