mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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