Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
