Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
