Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
