So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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