my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can't motorboat a personality
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
