before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
