so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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