Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
