if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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