just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
