Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
