I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
