I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize