I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
