I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
