you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
