so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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