Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
