haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
