I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
