I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's how pantless uber rides happen
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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