he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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