and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's always time for handjobs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
