So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
