I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
