Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
