she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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