is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
