i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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