Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize