youre lurking in front of me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
