I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
